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Case 8a :

Dating your Supervisor's Best Friend?

Professor Hazelton, leaned back in his chair and looked at Mena in an unusual way, then said,

"Mena, I really want you to meet Dr Edgerton—Sam—he is my best friend from graduate school and I think that you and he will really enjoy each other's company. I have planned for all of us to go out to dinner tonight.

Mena was new to the program and very new to the conservatory, so she wanted to make a good impression on her new supervisor. But, she thought,

"This sounds like a great networking opportunity and so great for someone so junior as me. But, is this a date?".

"Sure, Professor Hazelton…",

Professor Hazelton insisted,

"call me Rick".

Mena continued,

"… when ought I come back to the department?".

Rick laughed,

"no, no. Come by our house at 7pm, Shelly will be pleased to see you again. She really liked that smart green dress you wore for our departmental meet-and-greet. Maybe wear that again".

Mena went for a jog with her friend Ora and talked through the exchange with Professor Hazelton, saying to Ora,

"This is weird. This seems like a date! Professor Hazelton is 25 years my senior. His friend from graduate school has to be the same age, too. And, why is he setting me up with his friend?".

Ora replied, partly serious, partly teasing to lighten the mood,

"Mena, you cannot say no. He is your supervisor. He controls your whole career! So you must go on a date with his friend… that is no problem. Perhaps he will not like you! Look at your legs—you have muscular runner legs!"

Mena retorted,

"Ora, I have better legs than you! You have cello bruises on your knees! But seriously, I am uncomfortable with this mix of school and home life. What if I do not like Sam and he likes me? How do I tell Professor Hazel… Rick… I dislike his best friend. What if he tries to kiss me?"

Mena was agitated as she arrived to Professor Hazelton's house, wearing the green dress as directed. Rick's wife Shelly answered the door and handed Mena a glass of wine almost immediately. In the living room were the two professors. They all spoke briefly about their research, about what Sam did at St. Martin in the Fields and they departed for dinner about an hour later.

Mena found herself in the back of Shelly's car with Sam by her side. Before they reached the restaurant, Dr Edgerton, Sam, had placed his hand on Mena's leg. Mena was scared—if she rejected the advances of her supervisors' friend, what would happen to her? Both of the professors were very well connected and if Mena hoped to get a good external reviewer and a good job later, she would need their connections. Mena felt trapped.

• What problems for a supervisor/ supervisee relationship might arise from this situation?
• In many cases, supervisors are also mentors. What problems might arise for the mentorship relationship from this situation?
• Are there any university regulations that this situation might breach?
   

Imagine you are Mena:

• What do you do now?
• What could you have done differently leading to this situation?
• To which departmental or university resources might you turn for assistance in this situation?